Friday, November 19, 2010

Venting, nothing scrappy to share :(

I am really torn between wanting to vent and get this out and wondering if I should say anything at all.  because sometimes things you post on your personal blogs or facebooks can come back to bite you in the tail. 

Last night, or actually late yesterday evening, my family recieved a visit from Child Protective Services regarding reports of physical and mental abuse.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  And actually I think from the time they walked thru our doors I kinda just zoned out.  Apparently Brandon, my 10 year old, has told my mother that Bob spanks him and has left bruises on him. I'm not going to say he has never gotten a spanking.....but certainly NEVER been beaten and bruised. So my mother made the report....which was apparently several pages long.  And while this lady was in our house asking questions, and she was nice about everything, Brandon jumps up and starts to scream about how mean evryone is to him, how he gets spanked for no reason, how Bob has illegal guns in the house (he does have guns but the ARE legal AND locked up) It was just insane.  He told the investigator that he wasn't safe here.....NO ONE was safe.  I thought for sure they would haul him out right them and there. 

I don't know where this is coming from....he accused Bob of throwing bottles at him, calling him names.  Outlandish , crazy stuff.  I swear, this was not my child I the investigators split, there were 2, and they all interviewed the all of the boys.  None of them said they felt scared or unsafe here or have seen either Bob or myself EVER treat Brandon like that.

So we will be dealing with these people for a little bit while they do their investigation.  I realize theya re jsut doing their job and that every report that comes in needs to be treated as a priority and checked....but I feel so violated.  I had to sign papers saying I would not physically discipline any of my children until they revisit.  And Brandon was sitting there the whole time with this smug look on his face.  As they were getting ready to leave Brandon started piping up again and the investigator told him he needed to sit down and shut it up.  That just because we couldn't swat him didn't mean we couldn't send him to bed, ground him, or take priviledges away.  And she added that she seen thru what he was attempting to do and he was not going to run our house.

So I dunno what's gonna happen.  I am hurt, angry, sad, name the emotion and I am probably feeling it right now.  All of the boys are mad at brandon and I told them to just act like everything was normal and go back to business as usual but they won't even talk to him.  And just minutes after they left Brandon was acting like his "normal" self and hugging me and telling me he loved me and odd.

Over the past few months he has been my problem child.  Stealing, lying, bad grades at school, destroying property here at home.  But I never in a million years saw this coming......and with the help of my own mother at that.  Which actually should not surprise me but the thing is SHE was very abusive to me growing I was sexually abused by a family member fromthe time I was 5 until I was 13..............told everyone I could think of and no one would listen to me or help me b ecause she could talk her way out of most anything.  And she went on to be a police officer and she thinks that badge gives her special rights when it comes to ruining peoples lives I guess.  It has takem me over 30 years to get to a lace where I could forgive her and think that maybe she did the best she could when I was growing I see she hasn't changed one's all about what she wants.  A month or so back she tried to get me to let her have custody of Brandon because I was so stressed out.....made it out like she would be helping me......he's my son and I said nope....he will stay with me!  Brandon is her favorite.....she ignores the other boys and dotes on him.

Right now I'm not even sure I am making family is so dysfunctional I'm sure sure that it is even possible for it to make sense.  And I am doing good just to manage this migraine :(

Just keep us in your prayers please.....I don't know waht is going on with Brandon, whether this is a cry for attention or if my mom has put him up to it.......hopefully it will all come out in the wash and this investigation will pass rather quickly. I love my kids to death and it would totally kill me if anything happened to any of them or if they had to leave.


Emily said...

I went through the same thing almost a year ago. My son starting seeing a new doctor (the one with autism) and he would tell her he was unhappy and wanted to kill him self and would say things to her he would never mention to us any other time. She would believe every thing out of his mouth not to mention that my husband HATED her and she hated him (they would get into yelling matches in her office). We ended up firing her and going back to his old Doctor but not before she called dss on us. We were found to be a very low on the scale they use to see if your house could be a dangerous one for kids from the very first visit. The case worker even said that she didnt need to be there but we had to go through the motions for a few months because it was a doctor that called it in.

Just be strong. It sucks I know but they will see the truth in the end.

Emily C

monica said...

oh no...what a terrible ordeal.

praying for you


Denise said...

Sorry you are going through all this Tina. I hope this passes quickly. My thoughts are with you.

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

OH MY DEAREST Tina!! This is HORRIBLE!! I am sooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooo sorry that you are going thru this!!! UGH!! I had a friend whose son tried to do the same thing to them...its just awful! Hopefully the CPS employees will see right thru it... I swear.....*shaking my head* EX was abusive to Adam when we were first getting divorced, hit him soooo hard that he broke his hand, and kicked him so hard that he left a BRUISE of his BOOT on Adam's thigh...and CPS never did ANYTHING... and that was abuse...hopefully they see thru Brandon's acting out as just that... {{{hugs}}} my love!! If you need me... email me! :):):):):):)

Kelly Massman said...

So sorry to hear of your terrible struggles (past and present)! You'll be in my thoughts girl!

~Christina~ said...

I am so glad you chose to vent because I really hope your friends will come through with support. That is absolutely terrible and violated is exactly how I'd be feeling. We have a very dramatic child here too and he's famous for waiting until we are in public to pull that crap too. We've been in the middle of stores and he refuses to stop grabbing something or doing something and his dad or myself will pull him away and he'll throw himself to the floor like we'd just shoved him with an insane amount of force. It's embarrasing to say the least. I know it's a ploy to get us to give him what he wants or let him do what he wants even if only temporarily so that the embarrasing stops.

I would be so livid at my mother if this were my situation. If she's close enough to my family to have all this unrestricted access to my kids that they can tell her these 'stories' then she must be close enough to know that it is BS. Or at the very least talk to the other children and find out if it's true before making your life hell! I am so sorry and feel free to email me and talk my ear off anytime. ♥♥♥♥

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Oh Sweet Friend...I am so sorry that you are going through this. First of all, your Mother is need to avoid her like the plaque. Her actions are unforgivable and any mother that could do that to her daughter doesn't deserve to be a part of your life in any way.

Kids are very manipulating and Brandon sounds like he's just trying to get attention. Hang in there, this too will pass. I'm so sorry you are going through this, if you need to talk, vent, scream...please let me know.

Big hugs to you,