Monday, October 24, 2011

A mothers work is never done.....where have I been???

Hello bloggy buddies!!!
I know I have been a bad, bad blogger :( Sometimes life gets in the way and that is exactly what has happened with me. And I am finding that blogging is a lot like going to miss a post or a Sunday and the longer you wait to blog or attend services, the harder it gets to come back. At least for me!
The last couple of weeks I have done absolutely NOTHING crafty. Wait, let me rephrase that....I have created nothing...we all know what a crafty/sneaky lil turd I can So I am really itching to make something besides a mess!
So, what have I been doing during my hiatus? Mostly just trying to get my head screwed on straight. I had a pretty mean bout of depression hit and I guess Matthew did too. For those who don't know, I deal with bi-polar disorder. I won't say suffer because for the most part I function pretty well and am usually more on the manic side than the dark one. But I had a series of curve balls thrown at me that just knocked me off kilter and sent me spiraling.
Matthew is my oldest son and he is profoundly Autistic. And usually around this time every year he has a bout of severe anxiety/depression/aggression......gosh, you name it! All of these are pretty common with Autistic Spectrum Disorders anyway, but the season changes or moon phases or SOMETHING really jack up his symptoms. For a good week and a half he was uncontrollable. Very aggressive, (I still have bruises) OCD behaviors kicked into such high gear that he would actually get up in the middle of the night to slam doors several times an hour to see if they were actually closed or to go peek out the window. he is nonverbal so no clue what it is he thinks he is looking for. So all of us were just functioning the best we could on something like 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. He can go without sleep for days and has. He is still in school (he's an adult and 18 now) we are trying to decide as a family what is best for everyone. It's never an easy decision when you have to consider alternative placement for a loved one, whether it is a child or a parent. I am finally realizing I can't do it alone so I am searching for services that can help us all. I think he needs a lot more structure than we have here at home and hopefully we can find an adult day program for him once school is out. he is doing much better at the moment tho, thank GOD!!! So that has taken a lot of pressure off me and given me more of my "me" time back :)
And also in the midst of this I restarted weight watchers :) I'm a glutton for I just need to feel like I have control of SOMETHING ya know? I haven't officially joined but I am using the points plus system at home and have the support of a great bunch of girls in an awesome group on yahoo :):):) We are kinda small but we are all so close and the support is fabulous. I don't think there is anything we don't know about each Like a lot of you reading this, they are like family to me. We not only share WW stuff but vent, cry, cuss and do everything you can only do in the presence of your best girlfriends. I love them all and I love all my awesome bloggy friends who continue to read my rants, raves and babbling :)
Dammit, now I am gonna cry.....LOL :):) weigh in day is Wednesday......if I don't post my results give me hell.....I need to be kept honest, I have way over 100 lbs of excess baggage to get rid of!!!! And for me that is exactly why I am fat....excess baggage that I really need to get rid of to get myself in an emotionally healthy place and well as a physically healthy one....because in my case, the physical part is ALL because of the emotional one. I eat when I'm sad, when I'm OMSing, when I am mad, name it....I'm a food
There ya have it......not quite the entertaining "On my summer break" kind of essay we all had to do on the first weeks of school but its real life for me in a nutshell.
But I pulled thru :)
Be on the lookout for a scrappy post later today...I decided to play and have a deadline of 12 noon tomorrow to get this done and


. said...

Wow what an amazing post! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You are a very brave woman and regardless of if you know it or not you are helping so many others. OCD and depression needs to be pushed into to the light and needs to be seen as an illness and not something to be ashamed of. With your help many others will seek treatment or get treatment for family or friends. Thanks for your story and God Bless.

Teresa Jaye said...

dear girl, just last night I was thinking about how you might be because there haven't been any posts lately. I'm so glad to see this morning that you are on the other side of this depressive episode. I know EXACTLY how this works as I live with it also. I hope you have fun in your creative space today, it will surely help! I will pray for God's guidance for you in making decisions about your sons care. You are strong, brave, beautiful and loved! ({(hugs)}) Teresa

Christina Skinner said...

You can totally do this WW thing. I have faith!!! Of course I have fallen off the bandwagon so I'm a bad bad example LOL. Maybe you'll inspire me to get off my booty ;)

I am so sorry you are having so many struggles with your son that interfere with just being able to enjoy being his mother. Sometimes it seems like more than you can handle, I know, but you were meant to be his mama because you are one tough cookie and so very capable of doing just what he needs, even if that thing is calling in outside reinforcements. You need to do what is absolutely the best for your other kiddos and him and don't let anyone else who's not standing in your shoes cast judgement!! ((HUGS))

It's nice to read you posting, I missed ya :) I keep meaning to hunt you down on FB when you go MIA for a bit to check in on you :)

karenw said...

well that's been a crap couple of weeks for you!! Really glad you're over the worst of it and glad you can vent some here as well as with your other friends. I think the change of seasons always has an effect on people. I have a friend with long term health issues and this time of the year (as well as the summer to autumn change) wipes her out big time every year - and inevitably depression follows. It's a killer....

Hope you can help Matthew and your family get through the next part of his life,transitions are always hard. it would be great if you could get help both for your sake and your family's as well as Matthew.

I have also struggled to do anything creative lately. And I need to lose weight, if only bad food wasn't so damn tasty!

hugs xx

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

Sorry love that you and Matthew both have been having a hard time lately! {{{hugs}}} I hope you get the help you need for him (and you too!) Love you my friend... chin up! We love you! :):):):):):):):):):):)

Jamilie said...

Wow.. so sorry for such a rough time! Hope to see you scrapping again! Love the look of your blog BTW! ;-)

Kelly Massman said...

Oh, gosh, I am so behind on getting to blogs! I hope you are doing better now! Life can be pretty tough sometimes. I'll pray that the right decision becomes clear for you as I know it must almost seem impossible!!!! Hugs,