Sunday, May 5, 2013

Looking forward to brighter days!!

Hello! Remember me? :)

Gosh......I know. It's been FOREVER!! I logged on this morning and was stunned to see no one has left me....y'all are still following!!!!!

So much has happened in my life in the past few months. I can't even begin to scratch the surface. Things were really hard for a bit. Relationship issues, money issues (we came so close to losing the house) kid issues, ex issues.  Calgon take me away!!!!!!!  I just kinda left everything hanging to concentrate on "me" .  Sometimes you have to be selfish I guess.......I'm happy to report that altho things are not even close to perfect (but are they ever really perfect??) they are certainly much, much better!!! Bob and I are closer than ever and the kids are awesome. I'm still having issues with my 13 yr old and Matthew's Autism issues are getting worse and worse.

 I ended up being referred to Adult Protective Services because of Matthew and his behavior.  he is self abusive and is more often than not covered in scratches and bruises that are self inflicted.  He has begun to get really aggressive with other people.....myself included and I have had days when I looked like someone beat the hell out of me....well, they did actually.  He has one more year of school and then we are looking into getting him into a residential facility.  I have finally come to terms with the fact that I can't do it all.......and admitting that doesn't make me a bad mom.  But of course there is a ton of red tape involved and who knows how long a placement may take......which is why we are starting to look NOW!

As for the other 13 yr old still has way too much attitude.  he's going into counseling this summer and is gonna have to do summer school or repeat 7th grade.

Jesse is sstill such a doll baby and a ham :) He will be in 4rth grade next school year (school is ending here in less than 2 weeks) and he is as tall as I kidding :)

Jacob is graduating this year qnd next week we are going to see the navy recruiter and he is signing his life away for the next 4 yrs.....wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!  I have mixed feelings but I am still so proud of the man he has become.  He  wants to be a special ed teacher but is going to the Navy so he can afford college.  And who knows, he may find something along the way he likes better .

Steven is doing excellen in school but is such an under achiever.  We had a chance to sign him up for college courses and he would graduate a year early and have his first year of college already taken care of as well.  I think it's called dual enrollment. But he wasn't interested.  I let him make the decision because ultimately it's him that has to do the work and pull down the grades and deal with the pressure.  Altho I wish he had agreed, kids need time to be kids.....they grow up fast enough as it is. So I let it go.

 Money continues to be a  big thing, but I know everyone can relate to that.  I'm torn between taking a job I hate just to make ends meet or go back to school to find something I love.  It's looking like the answer might be BOTH.

I haven't scrapped, made a card or done ANYTHING crafty since my last post sometime last year.  I think it's time :)  And I certainly miss all of you!!!  I kinda jumped ship on all of my design teams.....I was without internet for a bit and the longer I stayed away the harder it was to contact them to say "Sorry but this is too much" Some of them will probably read this so.....SORRY!!! :(  When I get overwhelmed I totally shut down and shut people out.  I let a lot of people down and I can't make that better.  I think I will just create for myself for a while and not do any DT stuff until I get my head  back on straight and things settle down.  I might go for a GDT here and there but thats it.  But scrapping has always been a creative outlet for me and I'm hoping getting back to it will help me cope. Ad y'all know I like to talk so blogging will help me deal as well...and is way cheaper than      And right now there is so much going on that I shouldn't have problems with finding something to scrap.......end of year photos, field day, NJ ROTC awards. prom. graduation......not to mention the every day stuff :)  I have also been taking a LOT of selfies....which is kinda weird for am going to start my own BOM kinda thing......I think it will be therapeutic as well.

So......I have missed ALL OF YOU!!!  And am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.......and you will probably see some scrappy stuff this very week from me :)

Hugs n Stuff!


Kelly Massman said...

I was wondering what was going on with you...sorry I didn't write! I figured it was something not so good; hope things will pick up for you and best wishes with your kids--so hard... hugs,

Karen Wilson said...

Girl, it is SOOOOOOOOOOOO good to see you back. I'm sorry you didn't feel you could just let me know you were ok though, we've been worried. But here you are and looks like you've done a lot of soul searching and come to some decisions that will help you in life. It's nice to hear things are getting better. Sorry to hear about Matthew though, but you are very right, the decision you have come to does NOT mean you are a bad mom, if anything, that makes you so much more than that so don't ever lose sight of that!!!!

Love and hugs,

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

So sorry for everything that you have gone through ... I totally don't think your a bad Mom ... at all my friend ... seriously if I told some of my past ... YIKES!!! lol!! Big HUGS to you!! :)

Kimberly Clark said...

hey sunshine!!! miss ya... completely understand the shut down and if you ever need to chat let me know ;) always here for you

Christy said...

It is so wonderful to have you back! You were certainly missed. I think a BOM would be a fantastic way to jump back into scrapbooking and yet not lose sight of the focus you have gained on yourself. Something that is so important. ♥

Teresa Jaye said...

Hey girlfriend, glad you are back! I missed your sassy self!
Seriously - big hugs, I'm so sorry things have been rough and so glad you are on the upswing. I have been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so.
Looking forward to seeing your awesome scrappiness again!