Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Psssssst!!!! Does anyone remember me? )

I know.....6 months is a longgggggg time :( 

Let me start by saying I have missed my bloggy friends and your awesome posts and projects and just being a part of your lives.  But sometimes life gets busy and we lose touch with the people and things that are important to us.   I'm looking forward to catching up with all of you, visiting your blogs and taking part in some challenges and creating again. Which I have been doing this week!!! For the first time since July!  Until this past weekend I hadn't scrapped, made a card, or crafted ANYTHING. I just couldn't do it. It was way more than a creative block or mojo crisis.....

Update....for those that care.....lol. 

First I got bitten by a brown recluse spider on the back of my ankle. It resulted in some nasty symptoms I won't go into, but if you are familiar with recluse bites you know they aren't pretty. I'm allergic to everything on the planet anyway and on top of normal (???) recluse bite symptoms I had a horrible allergic reaction and was incredibly sick for close to a month. I still have a nasty scar on my ankle too. Ewwww!!

I'm sure those of you who are regular followers and know me well, remember I have five boys.  

Matt is 21 and profoundly Autistic, nonverbal with no form of communication except screaming and he can be really aggressive.  Not his fault, he doesn't understand why we can't understand what it is he wants when he obviously knows.  Over the summer he started having seizures. Pretty severe ones.  he's on medication for them now but still has them, just not regularly. And we are still having testing and things done to find the cause. You would think after a few months we would have answers :( So we keep plugging along!

Jacob graduated last May and had plans to leave for the Navy in October. Then he changed his mind and decided he was going to go to college and get a degree in Special Education and teach special needs kids since he so enjoyed doing the peer tutoring in school and had such a bond with those kids. Then he decided against going to school and is now working part time at Salsarita's (a Mexican restaurant) I'm hopeful he will decide to enroll for the spring semester but its not looking likely.  He still doesn't have his license or a car and I have been pretty adamant that I will not help him buy one, or buy one for him. he is supposed to be saving money but in typical young guy fashion he spends it just as soon as he gets it.  So I have decided that if he doesn't enroll in school come the spring semester  I'm going to start charging him rent. Sounds mean I'm sure. But he needs to learn that with a job and age comes responsibility and bills. And I'm gonna stick it in the bank and that will be his car fund when a good amount gets saved up. :) I love my kids more than anything but I don't want him to be forty and living in my basement.....lol. Hopefully this will steer him in the right direction!

Steven is 16 going on 30. He is my most mature kiddo. I don't have to lay down any rules with him or anything....he just knows whats right and does it. Why can't all kids be this easy?? lolHe's risen to the rank of Chief in NJROTC and is the color guard commander. His grades are awesome and he has been talking to recruiters since he graduates next year. He has a good head on his shoulders and he says he wants to go into the Air Force.  His ASVAB scores are EXTREMELY high and all of the branches are trying to woo him.

My 13 yr old Brandon continues to be a handful. Over the past few months he has been in treatment for mental health issues and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. In addition to the lying, stealing, drinking, smoking, drug use that he was dabbling in before he began self harming.  I noticed it right after school started. It was 90 degrees here in Tennessee in the summer and he was wearing a hoodie constantly. It began to really bother me and I honestly thought he was just scribbling profanities on his arms and didn't want me to see them. (I went thru that phase with one of the other boys) So one dayI confronted him and made him take it off and he did, and immediately went outside but had his arm pressed tightly against his body. Again, I thought he was hiding stuff in his shirt or pockets. I was suspecting drugs or cigarettes..........I made him empty his pockets on the front porch and I accidentally bumped him arm and noticed a scratch across it and asked him about it, then turned over his arm and oh my God.  From his wrist to his elbow was cut. a million slices. My heart broke at that moment. I wanted to take him to the hospital but he refused and I wasn't exactly mentally prepared to deal with fighting him all the way to the ER.  I did the only thing I knew to do.......called the mental health crisis hotline on the back of his insurance card and they sent out a crisis person to determine if he needed hospitalization. They acted as if it were no big deal, came out and determined he wasn't suicidal and perfectly safe at home. They set us up with an in home counselor the next day and from that point on we have had home visits totaling 6 hours per week in the home working on safety plans, coping skills, behavior plans,rule enforcing.....ugh!!!  And that is in addition to psych appointments and such. We are getting thru it and I am learning a lot about myself in the process. It was really hard to forgive myself and not take the blame for it.  But they made me realize I am doing nothing wrong. That you can be an awesome parent and do everything right and sometimes things like this still happen.

.He's doing a bit better but Im still scared for him. They won't put him on medication because he says there is nothing wrong.  hes still lying, smoking, drinking and cutting. But not as frequently so I guess thats something.  I'm a little resentful that I feel as tho the mental health "experts" are taking this too lightly.  And Brandon is smart....he's trying to use the cutting as a tool to make me let him do whatever he wants, threatening to cut if I won't let him have his way. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is stand there and act as if I don't care if he does or not :(

This has been so hard on Jesse,He's nine now and he was so scared.  He had a million questions and i choose to just answer them directly and honestly.  I educated him on whats going on and once I assured him his brother wasn't a psychopath that was gonna hack him up in his sleep he seemed to feel better.

So.........thats where I have been and whats going on in my world!

Jesse pushed me back into crafting and since I have been doing it a little at a time it has been such an awesome release. We are dead broke this Christmas and jesse wanted gifts for teachers and cards so I have been making those for him and he is my biggest cheerleader :)  Last night he hugged me and said "mama....you are so artistic!!" And then asked me if he could have what I just made.....lol.  I love that boy to pieces :)  I love them ALL, but he knows what to say to cheer me up :)

So....I'm back!!  I'm staying away from DTs unless its a short GDT thing and I want to get back to creating for ME and the joy it gives me. I enjoy sharing what I do with other and meeting you all and getting to know you through your creations and your stories.  I'm not going to put an pressure on myself to create something and I don't want to feel dread because I am so overwhelmed with assignments. Creating makes my soul happy and I don't want to lose that again :)

If you made it all the way thru this I LOVE YOU!! lol. Actually I love ya even if you didn't:)

Over the next few days I will be featuring some of the cards I have created and a couple of gifts I have been working on. And I am jumping in on the Photo a day thing for December......I thought I would share my photos for the week on Fridays and that I might make a mini from them each month.  I have tons of scrap supplies that I am challenging myself to use up. So I won't be using the latest and greatest products but I can't justifying buying anything other than adhesive....lol. I have things that I won in challenges over the summer than I have never even opened. So all of that is still new to me :)

And Jacob is trying to talk me into becoming the queen of social media. Apparently I am way behind the times not having an instagram or twitter account.....lol.  So we will see.......like I said, I don't want to be overwhelmed!

Thank you all for being here and I will see you soon with some less intense, depressing posts!!

Much Love!!!
Tina :)

5 comments:

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

So sorry to hear about Matt's seizures and Brandon :( Big hugs my friend!!!!

Michele said...

TINA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well how do you do?? I just got through your whole post... so yay ... you love me! :) Love that you want to craft for yourself! I GET it!! And... you should consider an instagram account. You just post photos and don't have to say a word!! :) Lots of the crafty blogs are on there!! The company ones!! So good you SPOKE!! We shall see you! Some easy Snow/Christmas type challenges coming up on LM. Come visit!!

Teresa Jaye said...

Oh sweetie, you've been in my thoughts and prayers. You are an awesome mom and an amazing artist. Glad you are back to crafting, it is good for your soul -and, yay for having a cheerleader!

Elizabeth Campau said...

Oh Tina, it is so awesome to hear from you. I am so sorry about all of the challenges you are facing, (I did make it all of the way through) but so happy you felt safe enough to let us know what wwas going on. You are in my prayers girl and I am here anytime you need to talk!



Elizabeth Campau
http://visionsofpaper.blogspot.com/

Sam said...

welcome back :)